Monday, July 25, 2011

Seems like forever...

Seems like I'm very hit or miss on the blog entries lately.. I guess that's because I have nothing of import to say? :) No, usually those are my good days and I have nothing to complain about. ;) Things have been especially good the last week or so. Aside from some physical issues, that is. I'm battling the migraine monster still mostly on a a daily basis. I've had to up my meds. Though I did manage 2 days with out any pain! We're back to needing it today unfortunately. My fibromyalgia is flaring severely. I'm so very tired all day long and I really have to force myself to keep up with some of the house work (the big stuff like kitchen and vacuuming). The less noticeable housework goes right out the window. Oh well. I'm proud of myself for what I DO get done. It's a big thing for me. I still lose my temper a lot, it's something I need to work on. And the anxiety is bad. That I will need meds for, I just haven't found a way around that. Will be switching Pdocs soon too. My new appt is mid-August. Hoping I like the new Pdoc and that he can help with all aspects of what I deal with. Maybe he'll have an even better solution, one that helps with temper as well? Who knows. We'll find out soon enough. I have had several days where I finally felt HAPPY most of the day. What an incredible feeling. Not that high mania happy. Just happy. You know, wearing a smile, laughing at a joke, teasing the husband, being a goof just because I can... Happy. I just hope I can keep that feeling here. Please please please let me keep that feeling!

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Safe Happy Place.... ?

There's a saying everyone knows.. "Find a safe happy place..." and usually when you hear it, it's meant in jest, someone pictured rocking back and forth with a look of fear or what not on their face. But I really must wonder... Does a "Happy Place" really exist? What would it looking like? Feel like? It's been so long since I've really been truly happy. I mean I get a glimpse at it every now and then.. And I'm, over all, not UNhappy... I guess... But I'm not truly happy. I don't really know how to get there. I'm really not even sure of how that feels anymore. How do I recognize a happy place if I'm not sure what happy really is? I think I was once. But did I have a happy place then? How do I get back there? I want to be happy. I want to think to myself, "Ah... this is life" with a smile on my face. I need to feel it. I wonder if others have that. Do you? Do you have a happy place? Do you consider yourself to be a happy person? Is it really there? Can I really have that for myself? I know others can't do it for me... but can I get there on my own?