Sunday, September 12, 2010

Changing Joy

So today I have been thinking a lot. Thinking about love, change, anger, peace, and joy. I find myself to be a woman of many talents, a woman of many masks. I have many loves, writing and art just being two. I think about them quite a bit. I have a burning desire to be successful in what I do, especially when it comes to the things I love to do. Makes sense right? We all want to be successful in a "job" that we love. I have taken up the "job" mask several times before, and it never fit. This time, I desperately desire to do well, to cling to those masks. I find a sense of accomplishment and a sense of wonder in finishing a poem or in inking in the final touches on a painting. Though even that feeling must change, as things always do. I find myself changing what success means. I go from that sense of accomplishment being a great success to the sense of acceptance when a poem is published and paid for, or when my artwork is sold. I say acceptance, not accomplishment, because that is what it really is. Acceptance into the realm of artists, of writers, having them open their arms and say "We like you, you are one of us, stay and be happy." I hate that the joy has changed from accomplishment to acceptance. I am my own person and I should chant to my own beat. I have recently rediscovered a joy that was missing in my life, working with stones to make jewelry. This has caused me to stand back and re-evaluate why that joy had changed. I began choosing acceptance over my own personal joy. I want it back. I will have it back. Acceptance and Success don't mean being a well published poet or an artist whose work is displayed across the states. Sure, that would be nice.. But to really say that you are success? Be happy, do what brings you joy and do it well. If it's one thing, or five, just be.


lilasvb said...

very interesting to read you

eL said...

This is a lovely post indeed. And I really like your blog description because I kinda experience the same thing. Hope you're doing great. ;)