Friday, August 27, 2010

Stomp

Feeling that blahness, I don't care sorta feeling again, creeping up upon me. I know I need to get busy and get past it as quickly as I can.. Some of it is setbacks.. setbacks in meds, medical stuff, and socially.. Biggest issue right now, is to figure out if this is an Aspie issue or Bipolar issue I'm facing here. I get the ups and downs, but wondering what triggered this. Was it all the things gone wrong? IF so, isn't an Aspie issue this time.. Or was the timing just, well, just right? That's been known to happen as well. Gotta treat each the same, so that doesn't make too big a difference.. It's more a control thing, charting moods, and understanding myself. If I can understand the WHY behind it, maybe I can better control it the next time the trigger hits. Spent a large portion of today cleaning and panicking over a shindig I'm having tomorrow.. I just envision the goings I've had in the past, where only 2-3 ppl show up, and 2 of those 3, are relatives. (Not that I'm not so very grateful that they showed!) I know that won't happen this time, but I just have that feeling anyways.. I can't shake the feeling of failure.. again. In the past I think it's been that the crowd I used to be with, well, they just didn't feel that this area of town was a doable drive, that 30-40 mins was just not worth it. At least, I guess that's the reason. I've never had a successful get together of any type, product party, shindig, playdate, they have all gone horribly wrong, like a ghost town on steroids. I don't get it, really. Maybe it's just another Aspie thing and I'm reading too much into it.. All I know is I shouldn't freak about this coming one, but I am.. Maybe I should just go clean some more.. at least my house looks nice now. :)

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