Monday, August 30, 2010

Keeping busy

Still working on getting lots of stuff posted to Broken Muse.. Most of it oldies.. but I did do 2 new paintings (watercolor) and an (if I do say so) AWESOME photo of my brushes. My mom thinks I should sell it to magazines and such.. *blush* I figure if I keep busy I won't have time for crazy nutty feelings and such.. right? Gives me a bit of a break as well.. ;) I can always use an escape or two around here.... And I only get irritated when I'm interrupted creating.. not just updating... so not too bad here :)

Friday, August 27, 2010


Feeling that blahness, I don't care sorta feeling again, creeping up upon me. I know I need to get busy and get past it as quickly as I can.. Some of it is setbacks.. setbacks in meds, medical stuff, and socially.. Biggest issue right now, is to figure out if this is an Aspie issue or Bipolar issue I'm facing here. I get the ups and downs, but wondering what triggered this. Was it all the things gone wrong? IF so, isn't an Aspie issue this time.. Or was the timing just, well, just right? That's been known to happen as well. Gotta treat each the same, so that doesn't make too big a difference.. It's more a control thing, charting moods, and understanding myself. If I can understand the WHY behind it, maybe I can better control it the next time the trigger hits. Spent a large portion of today cleaning and panicking over a shindig I'm having tomorrow.. I just envision the goings I've had in the past, where only 2-3 ppl show up, and 2 of those 3, are relatives. (Not that I'm not so very grateful that they showed!) I know that won't happen this time, but I just have that feeling anyways.. I can't shake the feeling of failure.. again. In the past I think it's been that the crowd I used to be with, well, they just didn't feel that this area of town was a doable drive, that 30-40 mins was just not worth it. At least, I guess that's the reason. I've never had a successful get together of any type, product party, shindig, playdate, they have all gone horribly wrong, like a ghost town on steroids. I don't get it, really. Maybe it's just another Aspie thing and I'm reading too much into it.. All I know is I shouldn't freak about this coming one, but I am.. Maybe I should just go clean some more.. at least my house looks nice now. :)

Monday, August 23, 2010

I did it... :)

Re-opened Broken Muse.. Look, right over there ------->

yup.. I found some brave.. Now, I gotta keep it. So any positive energy or prayers would be greatly appreciated... My newest mantra is "I will not delete pages when moody... I will not delete pages when moody..." ;) Chant with me now! :)

Thursday, August 19, 2010


Had my second appt with the new P Doc. The Adderall is doing wonders... and the Abilify is not. Not to mention the constant nausea. So we are going to switch to taking in the AM, right after breakfast. That insures that A. I EAT breakfast ;) and B. that I have food in my tummy, instead of an empty tummy all night.. So far.. so good. :) Now that I know I can tolerate it in the mornings, going to up it to 5mg instead of 2.5mg. Hoping this does the trick. I really like her, she's very easy to talk to and she's understanding. Doing well with the therapist as well.. very well... So.. keeping fingers crossed!

On an unrelated note, I started back up, featuring son # 1's artwork! Not sure yet about starting mine back up yet, but for now, he wanted to see his pictures back up on "the computer place". So I agreed. Donating 50% to both Dockery Foundation and Autism Solution Center... (alternating months) Hoping to get some good attention for both charities. I have gotten such good remarks on his art already! And possibly someone making a purchase here soon. Hopeful!

Wednesday, August 11, 2010


Well.. ok, had an appt last week with a new psychiatrist.. Really really like her. She admitted she knew nothing of aspergers or autism, but she was very honest and thorough.. I liked that... Hubby and I sat down and had a big talk about supplements and meds. Decided that I couldn't handle what may be "kicked up" by supplements right now, and that THE goal was to get me to a level and happy place. Period. And if meds will do that quickly and affordably.. so be it. So anyways.. we're trying low dose Abilify and Adderall (gee.. ADHD? ME? never.. *spills sarcasm*) The Abilify I feel needs to be ramped up to a full dose. It takes the "edge" off now. The Adderall, I decided to half the dose she gave me due to the mitral valve prolapse. The cardio doc agreed with me and it does seem to be doing a good bit of help at that dose. Though I will admit, the days when I miss a dose are NOT pretty. Will talk w/ the doc about maybe trying a non-stimulant.. The first few days of Abilify and Adderall together I was in such a great mood. It's weird to feel happy. You know, REALLY happy. Wanting to do things, wanting to clean.. (don't die of shock on me here!) Came down off of that though... :( Back to yelling.. Though like I said, I need some more tweaking of meds to get it right... but it's a good start. I do feel like I can control the rage-y part of my anger.. so that is quite an improvement... Now we just need to keep going...

On other subjects... The kids got their second Hep B and their first MMR today. Not seeing any serious issues other than an immediate lack of impulse control.. though I won't jump to conclusions JUST yet.. They have had a very out of the ordinary day full of stress and crazy appointments... so they could just be out of sorts from that.. Here's hoping!!! *crosses fingers*