Monday, March 8, 2010

setting up

I'm feeling it again, a pulling... I want to show the world how I see them. Not meaning that in a negative way, I'm not.. It's just.. I wish that I could turn my brain into a giant computer... I would pull the images my eyes and mind linger on, and download them. To be able to share that intimate and very real feeling I get when I see something, the WAY I see it, the way I FEEL it... If I could be one giant camera, then maybe I should explain my uniqueness. Maybe I could explain me? And then, that's not my desire at all. Well, not totally. I guess I feel so deeply, so raw and raggedly, that what I see, I feel. I want to share that with the world. I want to throw the images up and say "See it! Beauty! Pain! Emotion! Hate! Love! Death! Life! SEE IT!". I see such things.. Glimpses beyond a shattered image, I see the truth inside things. I see the dispair and the rejection of a rusted wagon forgotten in the weeds. I see the longing in the eyes of a toy, thick with dust, still in it's place. I see the peace and beauty of a feather, with lines so complete, yet uncomplete. I see the emotion in a rain drop longing to let go, the comfort in the grass, heavy with seed. I want to share it. I want to scream it. It's a pull I've felt for a long time. And it's one I've given into on occasion.. I had at one point tried an "Etsy" shop. I tried to show the world and well... I got my hopes too high I guess, or my "I Suck" filter was stuck on open. Or maybe people just aren't ready to see the way I see? I don't really know. But I know I feel the pull again.. So strongly. I opened up another account... And it's waiting for me.. I just don't know if I have the courage? I'm scared I'm setting myself up for failure again. I'm scared that nothing will happen and those familiar feelings of doubt and hate will start to cloud in. *sigh*

Do I or don't I? Think? Or just do?

7 comments:

Dean Corso said...

no matter where you go..or who you meet...there will be heartache. The question is, will you accept the whole package?
I don't what was on your mind when wrote this post, I hope you wont be disappointed as I am.

Just Me said...

It's not that I'm worried about heartache and disappointment.. well, ok, I am, but disappointment in myself.. I worry that if I try, I'll fail.. and I know that not trying sets me up to fail anyways.. it's more that, I just.. want the confidence to do what I think I should (in this instance, setting up shop for my photography and art) and believing in myself and my uniqueness, and being ok if it doesn't go well.. I want to be able to hold up my offerings to the world and have them accepted, but if they are not.. I want to be able to be ok with it.. I haven't found out how yet...

Dean Corso said...

I understand, and it's a personal quest I see...just so you know, thousands of miles away, but listening.
And I didn't know you're in photography, well I wish I could see my photos too...
When I read your words, I see that you know... It's in you, as you say "uniqueness".
You'll find out the how, sooner I hope.

Just Me said...

Thank you...

Dean Corso said...

No problem...

readingsully2 said...

Mel, the part above where you were explaining how you see things and you were giving examples...that would make a wonderful poem....a free verse poem.....one that does not rhyme. A lot of poetry accepted in literary magazines does not rhyme.....just some food for thought.

Just Me said...

Hmm.. :) off to think on the above...