Thursday, March 4, 2010

Running...

Still here.. haven't run away yet.. The steroids are doing a good bit of help on the rash, it's faded quite a bit, still a touch itchy but.. I can't expect miracles considering how bad it was.. The ER doc actually checked my throat to make sure it wasn't swollen and kept asking me if I could breathe ok.. So apparently it was worse than I thought it was.. The steroids are doing a number on my emotions right now. Even more so than just going without the mood meds. I'm trying to keep it together by keeping myself busy in obsessing over things. I know, it's not healthy to obsess... I know.. but if it keeps me from screaming at the kids 24/7 I'll take it. I've gotten a good bit done. We are selling a shit load of stuff on Craigslist and I've been seriously decluttering. Not much going out in public right now, I'm really puffy and doing a lot of binge eating.. Going to be fun to decarb myself after this is over.. We have been needing it anyways. We were eating HORRIBLY while we had our friend living here.. lots of potatoes and breads and sweets... Doesn't help me to feel better when I am on a sugar binge and needing to detox. So.. yeah.. sorry, my mind is going around in circles... I have been either so completely nutzoid that I can't even finish a word let alone a sentence (hence the "running") or completely wiped out with keeping my emotions somewhat in check. We gave the puppy away too.. which honestly is helping already. If I were in a better place mentally, and not playing the name the drug of the day game, I would LOVE to have a puppy, or dog.. but I can barely keep up with life in general and even though the excitement of a new thing in my life gives me that high I crave, I just know I can't have it. I don't feel guilty about it this time, like I did when we took Roxy back to the shelter. I felt like I had failed Roxy... but I know Rascal didn't need to grow up in a home where "mommy" screamed at him every time he did something I didn't want him to do. That is just creating more issues for everyone all around.. Ok, I'm obviously rambling here.. And I gotta eat breakfast before the meds eat my stomach up, so I'm going to go carb on some honeycomb (for the last time) and have my morning coffee..

2 comments:

Dean Corso said...

It's definitely not easy to manage your...life, every second and hour.
Your mind didn't go in circle or any other shape.
Thanks for sharing.

readingsully2 said...

I can't even imagine, Mel. I am sorry.