Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Nothingness?

I read something a bit ago.. and.. I just don't know what I should feel about it...

God comes to our lonely, anxious hearts and whispers our name. God says "I see both the fear you have of closeness and the deep longing you have to belong. I have come to comfort you and to respond to your need. I have been seeking a relationship with you. You belong. You belong to me. You are my child."

I've been listening hard... well, as hard as I know how. I never hear it. It's well known I think, among my friends, that I'm not a Christian... that is, I don't believe that Jesus was the "son of God who died for my sins". And I'm not really sure, see, what I feel about God in general. Some would say I'm searching. But I honestly don't know what I'm searching for. I know what I'm not searching for, but that's another post for a time when my thoughts are more coherent. I know that bit of text up there, it's supposed to bring hope to the hopeless, comfort to the lonely.. It doesn't do that for me. It simply makes me feel more troubled... more distraught. God seems to be this caring, loving creator that molds us into his image... But I feel no touch from him, no warmth. I want something real, tangible, comforting and warm. I want to be able to reach out and cry, and have a hand wipe away my tears, and simply say, "I know. I am here." God doesn't do that. And it doesn't matter "who's" God it is. God is GOD. He/she has many faces, many facets... but I have yet to touch the one I need. No.. there is no comfort. And maybe it leaves me angry. Angry that God could choose to create someone like me... but not be there to show me the way, not be there to pick me up when I fall. He should. But he's not.. and it doesn't matter what name he has, what face, what religion... He isn't there for me. It's just me. Just me, and those like me, who are left to reach out, and hope that we can in time, lead each other out of the maze.

9 comments:

Kelly said...

Consider the fact that God can't because they are not omnipotent.

Just Me said...

I guess, considering that makes me a bit angry.. Why create a person (or a world for that matter) that is so screwed up and then just what, sit back and laugh at all the failed attempts at trying to function? I don't know.. I'm having such a hard time lately.. And I can't grasp why.. and I feel that I need to know why if I'm to fix it..

unless I am taking your suggestion too literally maybe?

Kelly said...

But they might not even have so much of a choice in that. It appears you are thinking of God in a very Christian sense, one that has a personal relationship including specifically creating people. Not all views of God are like that. And that is a VERY Christian concept. Which is ok...but consider that you might find the answers about God by looking at other faiths.

And God might not have been able to do anything if they are impotent.

To me, the presence or absence of God doesn't matter because I can't reconcile him being able to act in a world where free will exists. So he isn't omnipotent and therefore probably not able to influence even with creation who we are.

Just Me said...

I fall back on that in a way, because I was raised that way, so it is sorta a "default" I guess, even though I'm not actually Christian.. I've explored other faiths, but I have never found one for myself. I jokingly call myself a "monotheistic pagan"...

I think I get what you're saying.. Part of me would like to think there's some big force out there watching out for people.. but I have a hard time balancing free will and God together I think.. I think also, partially, that to me, free will means, well, that I've screwed my own life and self up, and that I can't find the "gray" area, either I am a failure or I'm not, sorta thing.. (aren't you glad you know someone that makes ya feel sane? -kidding-)

Dean Corso said...

Thank you...for reading, and being there for me.
I umm...didn't grow up among Christians, but I get what you mean. I reckon the problem lies within the image which religions created for their followers, the way they try to define concepts of nearly undefinable "things". I would share all I think about this matter here, but don't want to take so much space of your page neither give you a headache, so I'll just share a piece of what I "feel" about God.
God, has no definition gender wise nor they way he/she works. Imagine you're hanging on the same familiar cliff...what and who kept you from falling till now? It's you...somebody's writing? A memory? For me...God is a hint, an allusion who keeps me on the track(good, safe..etc).
Did I make sense? Probably not.
My parents, ruined everything they had, including the normal me. Now I struggle...in many ways. I don't hate them you know...but they committed enough mistakes, that there's no room for more.
"hugs"

Just Me said...

Dean, you share a way! I LOVE to talk "religion" and all aspects of that... I was sorta brought up Christian. Not until I was around 12 or so though then it was "force fed" to me until I was about 16, after that I went on my own "quest" and explored the options so to speak... Just haven't found my own spot yet...

And you did make sense.. I agree that a lot of different religions find some way to make tangible something that truly I don't think anyone will ever be able to really describe, define, understand...

readingsully2 said...

I think the Christian point of view is that once you accept God then he will be there for you and help you to cope with all that is bad. It is not a promise that he will remove your suffering but a promise that nothing will be dealt to you that you cannot handle with his help. But it would involve you accepting and turning your life into his hands. That is a difficult thing to do even if you are a devout Christian.

UPLIFT ANTIDOTE said...

My understanding of God is the energy or spirit that is in all things - in plants, animals and people. I understand it as love and life.

I've read through a lot of your posts and then the comments you've received. You have been given a lot of support and encouragement, and to me, with my understanding of 'God', God is there for you. By sending you like-minded sensitive souls who are there for you.

Did you ever see the film 'Pursuit of Happiness' when the little boy tells the joke about the man drowning? Three people tried to help him but he turned them all away? And when he got up to heaven, he said to God: "Why didn't you help me? I called out to you," and God said: "I did help you. I sent you three people to pull you out but you turned them all away". :)

Just Me said...

Uplift - I have been blessed with friends that are always there for me, and I'm forever thankful for them! Actually I've never seen that movie (don't get out to movies much, never have) but have heard the "joke" he tells...