Thursday, March 25, 2010
the day to day
Well.. the Deplin really seems to be having a good effect on me. My moods I have really noticed haven't been down lately.. Even when I feel the "spiral" it's down to a more "blah" I don't care mood more than it's going to a serious "I hate the world" depression. Which is a vast improvement. The anxiety seems less as well, more able to "handle" it. I think I'm panicking less, thinking things through a bit more. Coming off the Keppra seems to be part of it. I notice about 1 day after the Keppra dose (I'm weaning off) I get a rage flare, and then I'm fine. Now "that time of the month" is a completely different story. The moods and temper flare bad about 4ish days or so before. And then I get "THAT" migraine about 2 days before.. Took my maxalt yesterday.. Still have the eye pain, can't look anywhere w/ out the pain. Which isn't normal for me.. I get the eye pain at random times, and it's a normal thing for me but it's usually not linked to a migraine nor is it linked to my cycle. So this time is different. Makes me a bit paranoid, what with the joint pain and all.. Yeah, I'm still waking up in pain. We did blood tests. I'm very low in Vit. D, and my sed rate is up. YAY. :( Not happy. I was referred to a reumatologist by the reg. doc. My RF came back "normal" they said. I'll be honest, I've been very concerned about my arthritis being RA. And from things I've read, about 20% of all RA cases (possibly more) show up as RF neg. Same with Lupus, about 15% of all cases show up ANA neg for years, AND only 40% of people with Lupus have the "classic" butterfly rash. I know, I know.. I sound like a hypochondriac.. I KNOW. But when you live with the daily pain, the constant issues.. you start to think about these things. Seriously. I could probably bet that over half of the people that are "hypochondraics" have something legit going on.. just haven't been looked at by docs that will take them seriously. My grandmother was treated like a hypochondriac. Granted she didn't take good care of her body (something I can't discuss here w/out my mom's permission... post to come possibly). But the docs tested for a few things, given her issues. They even tested for MS because of her symptoms.. it came back as inconclusive. They pushed her away as a hypochondriac. By the time they FINALLY took her seriously again, they found cancer. By the time they decided she wasn't "faking it" or "making it up for attention", the cancer had literally spread to her entire body. There was nothing they could do.. So I will tell you.. when it comes to MY health, or MY KIDS' health.. Don't tell me I'm a hypochondriac. I'm tired of hurting, I'm tired of feeling like shit. I'm tired of the weird feelings in my head, the ones that make me feel disconnected, or drunk (without the drinking), like jello, like the world is twitching and moving around me. I'm tired of the moods, the bloated tummy no matter what I eat, the odd skin reactions, loosing my hair, the popping joints, the random chest/lung pain, the constant yeast issues on my skin. I'M TIRED OF IT. And I'm lucky that I've found some doctors who will listen. I just hope the luck continues.. Because I want answers. They can tell me it's not x or y, and I'll be happy with that, but I still want to know WHAT. And I want to take care of it.