I took a really long break from a group of friends... I had some issues.. (well... have) and I wasn't able to keep up with playdates and moms night outs... my anxiety got the best of me... My mood swings took control, my kids stood out too much.. I deleted my account. When I came back, a lot of people were glad, said they were happy to see me back.. I tried the playdate scene again... tried to fit in. And the anxiety and moods got the best of me again. No one would consider making a 30 min drive to see a "friend" for a playdate or moms night out. Apparently my little corner of the world is in the middle of a barren snowy wasteland. I left the group, again.. because no one viewed me "worth" a 30 min drive to hang out, despite my several attempts to make the 30-45 min drives to go to their playdates and sit.. and stick out like a sore thumb while they all talked around me. My "I suck" filter got the best of me for quite some time.. well... I did give it one more try. I rejoined, again. I posted a message that I was back and that I missed seeing everyone and that once my meds really got to working well, that I would start trying to get out for playdates.. Out of an entire board full of people, these "friends" of mine, only one person took the time to say "I'm glad your back". There were no "hi how are you"s, no "welcome back"s... apparently, I'm shit on a cracker.
I must be old fashioned. I thought friendship, like any other relationship, required a bit of work from both parties.. A little caring from both parties.. a little acknowledgment that says "hey I like you, I think you're worth it." I guess I'm wrong... and you know what... I don't want friends who don't feel the same way... Because even when I hate myself, I still know that I'm worth it.