Thursday, January 28, 2010

In the beginning..

I always like the beginning of things. Things haven't gone wrong yet, everyone is usually happy. Happiness is something I chase after.. Something I barely get my fingers around... Doesn't stay long. But then.. beginnings don't last either.

So I guess I should tell you about me, about my life. There isn't much to tell.. well, not really. First and foremost... I'm a mom. It's how I identify with the world, with myself. I'm a wife, a daughter, granddaughter, sister and cousin. I'd like to consider that I'm a friend too, though some days there aren't many of those around. I am a mixed up mess of a bunch of different things, a melting pot if you will. Bipolar, aspergers, epilepsy, illness, anxiety, ups, downs, kids, life.... They make me who I am, and yet.. I don't know who I am... not at all... I know who I WANT to be. I want to be an artist, a writer, a good mother, a good person, someone who helps others through their problems, someone who can say "I know.. I've been there... I'm here for you now". I'm trying... but nothing seems to fit. So I guess that's why I've started this blog. If I can document my journey, my sorrows, my troubles, tears, smiles, hopes and pain, then maybe, just maybe, I'll find myself along the way... Maybe others will read my writings and say, "Hey.. I feel her pain. I'm going through that too.. I'm not alone!". I can only hope. So.. It starts here... at the beginning...

3 comments:

SCDMommy said...

Mel, I consider you one of my dear friends. I know life gets in the way most of the time, but when I count my friends, you're at the top of the list. I am excited to read your posts. I resonate so deeply with wanting to figure out who you really are, feeling alone and isolated by life's circumstances. Know that I think you're an amazing person and I'm better for knowing you.
*hugs*

Angela said...

Definitely not alone. Keep us in the loop. We don't forget ya, and we we want to be there for you. I know how easy it is to crawl into your shell. I do that a lot. FB helps sometimes. Keeps me connected, but it's also another way to put on that mask, since you can say what you want people to hear while you hide behind your computer. (And when I say "you" in all this, I really mean me.) ♥

Chris and Andi said...

Mel,
I can so relate to what you are writing...I too have many masks that I wear, to hide away from the world sometimes. I hope you know that I think you are a great mom, working as hard as she can for her children...I cant wait to read more of your posts...they are wonderful and so deep. Thank you so much for inviting me here, I 'm so looking forward to reading more :) xoxo